Ten things I want to say to ten people.
1. You were my first love, and I’ll never regret anything with you. Together for over a year, struggled to be together through everything. And even though you did me wrong in the end, and you lied, and cheated; you taught me so much, and showed me what it’s like to be so in love and infatuated with someone. I hope you’re doing well, you were my best friend. You practically lived with me, and your family was everything I wanted my family to be. You all welcomed me with open arms and I couldn’t appreciate it more. Thank you so much for that night, and I know you won’t ready this but you know exactly what I’m talking about. You and you’re mother saved me when I was in danger the most. I may not be in love with you anymore, but I’ll always love you and care for you, no matter how much I dislike you and hate what you did to me.
2. You raised me, and taught me how to stand on my own and not rely on anyone. You’re a bitch and you’re crazy, but you did what you had to to show me how to be strong. We fight and we treat eachother like shit, you made my childhood hell. But you’re my mom and I love you unconditionally. You make have pushed me around and screamed in my face, but things are better now. We’re getting there, we’ve worked seven years to get this mother-daughter relationship back.
3. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had, and I wish we still spoke as often as I’d like. You were there for me through everything; sobbing phone calls, rants about how I hate myself and everyone around me, loosing close family members. You never fucking let me down, I love you Anthony. You’re my best friend even hundreds of miles away, and I wish you knew how much I still care about you and how much I appreciate you more than any friend I’ve ever had.
4. I fucking hate you.
5. You’re the closest friend I have, we’re practically sisters. We can tell what eachother are thinking from even just looking at eachother. We do pretty much everything together, and we get into stupid fights then get over it a day later. I don’t care you’re one of my best friends and I’d do anything for you no matter how angry I get. I love you and I’m so excited to move to Boston with you and Brittany. We’re going to be the babest roomates everrr. LoveyouKiki<3
6. You’re back and forth with your friends, I don’t need you around nor do I want you. I don’t know why you’re still on my dick about trying to “work things out” like bitch I do not like you, and it ain’t no secret.
7. I wish you wanted to see me once in a while, I call and I call but there’s rarely ever a response. I know you love me, you have to, you’re my father. But you don’t care to look for me ever and I fucking hate it. All I want is for you to call me once in a while just to see how I’m doing, or to offer to pick me up to do something for the day, but that never happens. I’m the underdog child, the oldest and your first daughter. I’m not in school anymore, I don’t drive, I’m going to college. My brother is 9 and already connected to Sony Records and being flown across the country to play shows, he’s an all star player for every sport. He’s your only son, and you’re most favored child. And then we have my sisters, they don’t party like I did and they’re not “edgy” like I am. They don’t wear make up or have two toned hair, piercings in their face and tattoo’s. They’re honor students in school. I understand I may not be as “great” as them, but I’m a good girl and I do what I can. I know you have a lot going on right now, but that’s no excuse for ignoring me and avoiding talking to me. Considering you’ve done this since I was 2 years old. I just want to see you, and be your daughter and do things together.
8. Everyone will know who I’m talking about when they read this, but whatever. You were my last boyfriend, I trusted you with every aspect of my being. Which is weird because I rarely ever trust anyone, but for some reason it was so easy to just engulf myself into you. I instantly fell for you, everything you said, everything about you was what I wanted. You were smart, going places, my “type”, nice to me. It’s sad to see things come to an end the way the did, but shit happens and people make mistakes. I hope you find someone worth your time, someone you’ll be able to love unconditionally.
9. Lucifer, my cat. She can’t read this obviously but I love her so fucking much it’s a little weird. She’s my baby and practically my child. I love you Lucybby :*
10. I can’t believe what you did to me. Everyday I have to live with this. Every fucking day I have to remember that night. I wish you were dead. I wish you would just fucking die. You ruined me, you stripped me of everything good I had left in myself. I can’t look in the fucking mirror without being disgusted with myself because of you. You made me feel less than human. How could someone fucking do that. I hate you. Holy fucking shit if I could kill you and get away with it. You disgust me. I hate you. You ruined me. I can’t believe you’re making me live with this. I feel dirty, I feel violated. I trusted you, I remember crying, I remember trying to push you off of me. I remember sitting behind that building in absolute terror and crying. I remember Anthony telling me that I needed to call the police. I remember how scared I was. I remember how dirty I felt after, then being in the dirt with no shoes and wet clothes lost in a city I had no sense of direction in. You destroyed me. How could you do this to me? You have left me with nothing, I’m an empty shell I’ve gone cold and numb. It will always be because of you, I hope you live with this for the rest of your life.
