February 2012
7 posts
introducing the “friend” who’s not so much just a friend to your entire family is not on my top things to do today. should be weird because he’s not my “boyfriend” he’s just my ‘friend’.
There are times where you just have to sit back and think, evaluate all the decisions you’ve made to get you into whatever the situation is and just try to understand how you got there. How you let things slip so far, or things get so bad. To be honest sometimes I can’t even figure out what it is I must have done, but in all cases I just do my best to try and accept them. Things...
Sometimes I feel like I let people get the best of me, I try so hard to just satisfy everyone and I don’t complain when they piss me off or aggravate me. I just ignore the fact that it ever happened in the first place and try to move on with my day. I feel like everyone around me just wants something out of me. They all want something I have to offer them from materialistic things to status....
doing things differently
I’m slowly loosing my dreams
but from what I can remember I was sitting in my room,
I heard something, I don’t know what it was but I heard it and I just remember automatically thinking it was you. I didn’t look at first, but something happened where I did and it was. I just remember you saying you had a choice from someone, and you realized that I was everything you wanted and...
I feel better, I think often I just let things build up so much the smallest of things will irritate me. I loose my shit over not being able to find things or just not being able to accomplish something dumb and small. But all that frustration and anger comes from everything else, and I just shut myself out and just want nothing to do with anyone.
I always find that I lash out, get angry and...
January 2012
6 posts
How are you going to fucking tell me that I give too easily, and if I would have never started talking to another guy “we could have been way past the friend zone”, get defensive about me talking to anyone else or whoever I hangout with, come to my house, do all that fucking shit, kiss me and all that…. but then randomly say we’re “friends”. WE’RE...
Fuck you, don’t come into my life. It’s five years later, leave me alone
“friends”….. how am I supposed to pretend to be just your friend when you know it’s not like that anymore.
I don't even care what we are anymore, you make me...
Sudden erge for old bad habits
I'm fucking pathetic
December 2011
3 posts
It must be so satisfying, so rewarding for you, knowing how in control of my feelings you are, without even being in my life. Congratulations, you’ve won.
I’m so confused on what I want to do.
Cali is my dream, but a far shot.
Staying home is the safe the to do, but miserable.
And Colorado seems too good to be true.
Growing bud for a living, I’d be doing exactly what I want as a career. Having my own house on a fucking mountain. Like this seems too legit.
I hope things work out
I hope something good happens in my future
I need a...
Useless adolescent.
November 2011
3 posts
So badly I wanted to
just go up to you today, kiss you as if everything was okay.
Ask you if you missed me, here you say you did.
And look at you and say “good, now you’ll remember everything you lost.”
But instead, I ended up by your side all night, desperately wishing maybe you finally realized everything I could give you, everything I had to offer.
Of course, you didn’t.
You never...
I wish I could just have my own set of friends.
I've decided
I’m so done with caring about boys from my past.
They’re the past for a reason.
There is only two boys I’d like to keep around, and that’s Alex and Joe.
From now on I’m focusing more on the people I’ve just recently met, or will meet.
I’m tired of being lonely, I’m tired of being sad.
I realized, that if they’re in my life and I’m...
October 2011
3 posts
I’ve been so sick recently, I can’t breath I keep sneezing and I feel awful.
This is terrible, I’ve spent all weekend in my apartment, dying.
I think I go home today, but I don’t want to.
I miss my friends,
I miss my life.
I need a real job, I need money.
California May 13th, I’m living out everything I’ve ever dreamed of.
I have to make it, I have to...
I’ve missed you.
Every single thing about you.
I looked for you in everyone else, but nothing compared.
I never stopped thinking about you.
It was supposed to be you and me from the start, and somehow it’s going to be that way in the end.
I knew I couldn’t let this go, I never did.
I can front like it’s my job, I’ve never been fine without you.
Nostalgic for months.
I got sick of...
watch your mouth or you’ll be watching your back.
September 2011
10 posts
Aggravated
it’s funny how you’re moving across the fucking country to try and work things out with me the right way this time, nonetheless you still fucking kick it to girls.
Dudes are all pieces of shit.
I fucking hate the human race.
So because this is a personal blog
I’ll get really personal now and explain exactly where I am with everything.
Slightly scattered with thoughts, but I’m working on it.
Spencer turned out to be the exact way expected, when a boy is famous he’s going to take advantage of it while he’s not at home. He is also older than me, which means he knows the game better than I do. Some girl told me about how she was...
I think I've proved damn well I'd do anything for...
So I’ll sit here in my own self destruction,
submerge my thoughts in my miserable mind.
Reminisce in my hopes to die, remember the days it wasn’t so hard.
Look back on the past, recognizing the present
effortlessly unhappy, pathetically unsatisfied.
It makes me so fucking angry to see how little people respect one another.
Do you ever get sick of just pretending?
You know it's bad when
you’ve just accepted the fact that you’re the “at home girl” while the boy you’re fucking doing everything and willing to do anything for is on tour and getting attention from way better girls than you.
What the fuck, there is nothing I want more than for you too fucking come home.
I miss your room
your bed
your face
the way you grab my hips
when you tell me I have soft skin
I miss the way you kiss me
I miss listening to you talk about the most intriguing topics and just watching your lips move
I miss documentaries with you
I miss waking up to you in the morning
I miss your dog Buddy
I...
Everything I do is to impress you.
I’m sick of being pretend happy.
August 2011
3 posts
Why are you playing me
I’m so fucking angry
WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING
don’t send me fucking videos of songs you wrote from me
you have fucked up so much in my life you don’t even deserve me to acknowledge your fucking existence.
it’s been nearly three years and things have changed.
a first love, is a first love lost
so stop doing this to me
this is exactly why I can’t...
why am i getting this jealous, when you aren’t even mine
it’s like i’ve been plagued with thoughts of you for unknown reasons
i have someone but i still can’t get you out of my head
and i was up all night running on no sleep just regretting not making that move
and all i want is that one moment back so i could do it right this time
i’ve been running through the...
July 2011
4 posts
I can’t fucking stand you.
I hate everything about you.
I hate your perfect teeth.
I hate your laugh.
I hate your eyes that are the most perfect shades of green.
I hate everything about you.
I hate that it’s been two years and I can still read a letter and cry
I hate what you’ve done to me
I hate being miserable
I hate that I can’t trust anyone because of you
I...
I'm getting yelled at for drinking too much
oh god, here we go again
I'm so fucking sick
of people.
The ones who don’t live in Western Mass think when I say “it’s the shittiest place to be” I’m just saying it because I live here and everyone hates where they live.
But no, this place is full of the scummiest fucking kids I have ever met.
And when I meet people from other places, they’re all so happy and friendly.
I want that.
Everyone here is...
June 2011
6 posts
All I want is coffee and cigarettes
It shouldn't be this hard to be happy.
I haven't been able
able to stop crying.
Or to stop coughing.
I feel like shit.
Today couldn’t feel any worse.
I’m lonely, I’m miserabe, I’m unhappy.
And all I want is to feel important again.
I’m such a fuck up.
I ruin everything.
I want it all back.
I want my old life back.
Atleast then I had something to keep me smiling.
Now I feel like I have nothing.
brighter- asked: You have nothing to be ashamed of. This was something that was done to you against your will. Keep your head up, it's hard but you can't let him win. You'll come out on the other side of this a stronger woman.
The only thing I never wanted anyone to know about...
is now out in the open. I don’t care who says what about it anymore. It’s been nearly a year and I’ve barely told anyone other than my family. I’m sick of feeling like this, I’m sick of everyone.
Ten things I want to say to ten people.
1. You were my first love, and I’ll never regret anything with you. Together for over a year, struggled to be together through everything. And even though you did me wrong in the end, and you lied, and cheated; you taught me so much, and showed me what it’s like to be so in love and infatuated with someone. I hope you’re doing well, you were my best friend. You practically lived...
May 2011
2 posts
I need someone, I’m screaming these thoughts in my head hoping you’d somehow catch the hint in my words. I need fucking help, I don’t want to talk about you anymore. I just fucking don’t, I want to talk about me. I want to stop crying, I want to stop being sad and living in my past. I want to stop caring about all the bullshit, I want to stop picking at the stems of my ex’s. But all I can see...
Everything just feels so empty.
I feel numb, emotionless. I’m not sad, I guess. But nor am I anything near happy. Everything is falling apart, I can’t think straight anymore. I’m loosing my fucking mind.
April 2011
5 posts
lol don’t fuck with me today, I’ll just be merciless
I just can't keep anyone happy.
and just when i thought things were finally working out, things come spiraling down and crashing into bits and pieces. all i want it some peace of mind and a little bit of consistent happiness.