Lonely thoughts

I get my life back

Posted on Wednesday, 18 January

ineedyouhopeless-:

I want to be with someone I see myself marrying not dating for a few meaningless months.

I don’t deserve to feel pressured to move any faster than I feel is comfortable for myself. I don’t deserve to feel like I owe something I can’t give. I don’t fit the shoes of past lovers or expectations because I am far from average or normal. I don’t think most people can grasp how furious it makes me to know that this happens every time. Everyone promises to stay when things get a little rough, but they never fail to criticize or put the blame on me when something goes wrong. I have issues, okay. Not just the average “issues”, I mean real, life altering, mind boggling issues that drive me insane and ruin nearly every relationship I have because no one is willing to put up with me. Do you have any idea how frustrating it is to feel like you can’t be loved? Or at least no one can love you for who you are and instead of pin pointing all my bad habits help me through them and fix them rather than scolding me for them. It’s truly sad the think I’ll never be everything someone ever wanted, because well let’s be honest I myself am barely anything even I would want. I thought things were getting better, I thought for once I was finally capable of just leaving my former life of misery and self destruction behind. But it seems I’ll always be close enough to touch but never taste. I am terrified of slipping back into a state of bleak and dismal emptiness.